Overcoming Our Negativity Bias Through Joy

Seeing Beauty

Our family spent the past three days in New York City, enjoying the beautiful sights. We walked to the center of Brooklyn Bridge and took in the gorgeous free view of the skyline. The boys requested to go to the MET, so we spent three hours viewing ancient Greek and Roman busts and pottery, Egyptian mummies, and 18th century swords, with a little Van Gogh in the mix, along with Monet and Manet, who I swear forgot how to spell his surname. There were delicious meals, high speed/high risk taxi rides, and breathtaking views from Central Park. The picture below is my favorite. It is one of the most beautiful my amateur photography skills have ever captured, except for the tree branch trying to grab that tall building.

That picture would have been so much more beautiful 500 years ago, before the European colonists decided to uproot nature and replace the majority of the island with concrete, asphalt, and manmade edifices.

Negativity Bias

What just happened there?

My mind focused on the destruction of nature in an otherwise breathtaking scene. This is thought entirely natural. In fact, the human mind is programmed to notice and remember the negative, an adaptation called negativity bias.

This bias is evolutionarily beneficial. If Aunt Susy ate a shiny red berry, turned a strange shade of purple, and took a dirt nap, you’ll remember to avoid shiny red berries in the future. Those delicious black ones? Likely, those fond memories of picking the tasty fruits from the bush and licking the juice off of your stained fingers barely registered.

Negativity bias helps us to stay alive long enough to have any good stories to share. Ultimately, it’s a blessing.

Hijacking Your Life: Negativity Bias on the Prowl

Negativity bias can be a lifesaver (literally). However, in modern life, this evolutionary asset can become a living nightmare. You can be having a perfectly wonderful day, when you notice that Wegman’s is out of kumquats. Instead of just buying a normal fruit, being grateful that Wegman’s offers 25 other fruit options, the first comment out of your mouth at dinner is how you’ve been wronged by the lack of kumquats. Worse, you might even act on your frustration. Either complaining to an employee or writing a bad review online.

The Spiritual Solution

Paul reminds us, in his letter to the Philippians,

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

In order to overcome the negativity bias, we must make a concerted effort to focus on the positive. The more that we purposely focus on and replay those positive moments in our minds, the more our brains become wired to notice and remember the other positive aspects of our lives.

I don’t think Paul was intentionally pushing cognitive behavioral therapy. Rather, this wisdom is thousands of years old and God-given. Though the survival of our bodies may depend on noticing the negative, the thriving of our souls depends on a practiced focus on the positive.

Making the Switch

When we feel tired or stressed, we must exert more effort to overcome the brain’s tendency towards the negative. During our fast-paced NYC trip, unlike at the mountain cabin, I noticed myself frequently drifting to the negative. This came to a head on the afternoon of our last day. This was my third trip to NYC (the first two were day trips in college). St. Patrick’s Cathedral was hosting weddings during the last two visits and I was unable to tour the church. This time, we were visiting on a weekday and we could share the cathedral with our boys. It was to be the grand finale of a wonderful 3-day trip. We finished up our walking tour of Central Park, then made our way down 5th Avenue past Trump Tower as our excitement built…

It was closed. Apparently, the actual hours differed from what was posted on the website. I was crestfallen.

Over the next hour, the situation deteriorated. We took a cab back to midtown for an early dinner at a NY deli. The music was loud, the tables dirty, and the bathroom was completely covered in graffiti, including the toilet seat. I went to lower the seat and was greeted by a 6 inch by 3 inch swath of dried poop. To top that, a storm was coming in, so we had to head to the train station 2 hours early.

Yet, there was so much good in that afternoon, if I chose to see it. Our kids were upbeat, not complaining a lick about the change in plans. The deli food was delicious, and after squatting over the semi-clean toilet bowl, I was able to clean up with soap and water. My husband was in a great mood as well. Our bellies were full and we had a great couple days of memories behind us.

An hour later, after a Philippians-inspired mood flip, the boys and I were sitting on the floor of the train station (all the tables were taken) eating a slice of NY pizza, laughing, taking selfies, and enjoying the moment.

Humor

Humor is a wonderful way to combat the negativity bias. Laughter transforms what might have been a stressful situation into laughter and great memories. Take, for example, our visit to the MET.

The layout of New York City is quite simple–a grid of numbered avenues running north to south and streets from east to west. It’s fairly easy to find your way around. The design of the MET is something else entirely.

There are two major complications with the layout of the MET. First, there are very few main corridors. To get from, say, Armor and Weapons to Modern and Contemporary art, you must wind your way through no fewer than six rooms of European Sculpture and Decorative Arts. The boys and I lost my husband briefly in European Paintings. This section is a labyrinth of almost 40 different galleries that lead from one to another in a maze-like fashion with no common corridors. I nearly had a heart attack thinking about how the heck we were going to find each other. Small wonder (besides the X-rated paintings and sculptures) that this is not a popular place for kindergarten field trips.

The second complication is the inaccessibility of the bathrooms. In the two million square foot museum, there were four bathrooms noted on the map. All four are rather small restrooms located within the exhibits. Anytime anyone had to pee, we were weaving our way through Egyptian sarcophagi or bumping into Samurai armor to find our way to the hidden restrooms like mice in search of cheese. Apparently, adult diapers are useful for more than just New Year’s Eve at Times Square.

In Conclusion…

In all things, our spirit thrives on the pure, lovely, and praiseworthy. Take time to focus on the positive, to instill those happy memories deep in your brain. Cultivate a heart of gratitude for the good things in your life. Even on the worst day, there are many. However, when all else fails,

Laugh.